no mayonnaise is good mayonnaise

I discovered that if someone gives me a ziplock baggy full of potato chips that their mother packed and they don’t want, and those chips are salt and vinegar, I will eat the hell out of those chips. When I had been standing, starving in a Subway, not more than two hours earlier, loudly proclaiming that I did NOT want chips with that combo; I will accept those mom-packed chips. I will accept them, and I won’t feel bad. Because gift calories, packed by a mom, don’t count.