she ain’t what she used to be

julie warshaw

good lord i have handsome ankles

Obesity. It’s a huge ordeal in the United States, lately. Statistics have proven that everything really is bigger in Texas; along with several other similarly proportioned states. (Yes, yes; Florida, too.) I find the inclusion of any year-round warm state on the list of areas whose obese residents exceed 33% particularly horrifying. I wear two-dollar Old Navy (Old Navy should start paying me. two plugs in less than a week?!) flip-flops year ’round. My tank-tops get air time in January. Buying a bathing-suit on sale in October means you’ll look great at Christmas on the Beach. I live in Miami and have never gone out and purchased a coat because it was going to be cold outside. There’s no covering-up down here; what I gots, I flaunts. Alllll year long. The town with the least percentage of morbidly overweight occupants? Boulder friggin’ Colorado. I guess I just wish that people whose climate dictates that they show skin would take pains to have less of it.

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