under the influence. a good one.

i am totally running out of pictures

I buy lighter fluid, matches and a 3-day old newspaper from an everglades’ 7-11 during the dry season. Sometimes, I purchase 40 oz beers and dump them out in front of homeless people. I like to sneak into elementary schools at night and leave literature encouraging kids to use their whole hand to pet animals. I sit outside gluten-free support group meetings eating cheap lo-mein. I like to follow the parking authority around and put money in people’s meters. I answer my cell phone at church. I flick cigarettes in open sun roofs. I taught your kids to curse in two languages. I’m the reason McDonald’s stops serving breakfast at 10:30am. I sold you front row tickets to the Rolling Stones that I got from a guy named Larry off exit 27 for twelve bucks.

But I don’t care how able they are to prove its freshness; I will never feel comfortable purchasing sushi for anyone at a mid-western, truck-stop gas station.