the perfect christmas

julie warshaw

nothing but nutmeg

Swiss cheese smells like feet. A lifetime of Swiss cheese feet and 4 months ago I decide that Swiss is the money cheese. It’s the end all, be all of cheese. Swiss cheese coaxed Washington across the Delaware. It had a square to spare. It got its slow cousin, Cheddar, a job as a Walmart greeter. Swiss cheese altered it’s family tree to be 2% milk fat. And Swiss cheese has no plans for world domination. It accepts its rejection by the juvenile sandwich association and envisions a world where Swiss is not judged by the size of its wheel but by the content of its character. But Swiss is screwed. There are too many puns to be made regarding its obvious holes.

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