I shred the yellow pages phone book and use it to line the bottom of Charlie’s cage. This means that if you live in the greater Coral Gables area and your number is listed, Charlie has pooped on you.
Hey Katy Perry, I have never seen a rainbow after a hurricane. Not ever.
When I’m waiting in line and the fellow female shopper behind me is standing so close we’re spooning, i like to turn around. It’s amazing how quickly strangers back off when you’re standing boob-to-boob.
Firefox, I fought for you. I really did. Everyone is ’bout about some Google and I said nay. Nay, Google. Google said, “but we’ve got chrome now. CHROME. and it’s incognito, for crying out loud.” Still, I said no; my loyalty is to Firefox. But Firefox, you have let me down. You have crashed more times than I can count in the past TWO DAYS. I know that you’re sorry. I know it and I appreciate it. But it’s over. I hope you understand.
When life gives you lemons, you have to wonder what life is giving other people and why you’re one of the ones getting inedible fruit.
I dress like The Sauce because she always looks terrific. Also, most of my clothes used to be hers.