i’m probably not going to be a good cult member.

I’m not looking for anything. I don’t want to save mankind. I’m not particularly concerned about eternity. I have no desire to overcome adversity or “push” myself. Like a toddler, I live in the moment and struggle with thinking long-term. I’m not a great listener and have a terrible memory. If I could sit still in a conference room while somebody went on and on, I wouldn’t just be a copywriter. I’d be a copywriter with a twenty-year old liberal arts degree from UNC Charlotte. I don’t show up on time. I don’t show up. Maybe I don’t want to be in a cult today. Maybe I forgot. Maybe I got bored and joined a different cult. At best, I can write you a check and then probably not go. Like the gym.

And yet, I’m unreasonably easy to manipulate. I may not know what you’re talking about, but I wouldn’t be surprised if it were my fault. I don’t pick up on subtle social cues. I don’t pick up on not-so-subtle social cues. I miss things people say flat out while looking me directly in the face. It’s unlikely that my country needs my service. I suspect I would not last long in prison.