I got my mail today and realized that there is a company, somewhere, that thinks I need to raise chickens. I’m sorry, I mean they think Juliz Warshaw should raise chickens. They derive from my lack of return communication that I am refusing to farm poultry and they chide me via follow-up letters. I’m sure that raising chickens, as suggested, is a great way to take the strain off the local farming community and Help Feed the Children by doing my part. But I live in a one-bedroom apartment in a tremendously non-rural area and do not have room for a chicken coop. I swear. I don’t even have a balcony. Also, there’s a cockatiel named Charlie who would get mighty nervous if there were a sudden parade of disappearing chickens.