you’re a fascinating man, George Costanza

julie warshaw

ok, but really. what's wrong with your butt?

Your dog is not your child. Your dog is not going to grow up, start working a 9 to 5 and eventually pay for you to stay in the private nursing home because you forgot to save for retirement. Yes, we all think Puddles and Pinky are adorable but leaving them every morning does not mean you know how a working mother of two feels.

That having been said, I feel compelled to compile a list of things I say to my dog that parents probably say to their kids…only I’ll never get a satisfactory answer. Then again, parents may not either.

  • What’s wrong with your butt?
  • We don’t do that in front of company
  • Is this poop?
  • Stop antagonizing the cat
  • Why are you sticky?
  • Be nice
  • I don’t know what you want
  • Stop licking that
  • Who wants a cookie?
  • The phone is not a toy

←100 words a day

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